k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
