thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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