Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I pour the whiskey from now on
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
