she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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