Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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