im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
