No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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