Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
