There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
