This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize