Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
