ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
