dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
