does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
