big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
