You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
