so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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