dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
