so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
did i just pee glitter
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
