I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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