Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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