i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
