Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
