We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
