is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
