Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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