the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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