I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
