I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
