dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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