He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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