Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
