tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
