Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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