woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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