it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
