I'm so fucking centered right now
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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