I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
