just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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