But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
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I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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