Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
