He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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