I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
