so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dicks are not precious.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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