if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
