Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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