a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
nutella sex= disaster
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just high enough for therapy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Who died my cat blue again?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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