you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
