i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
