I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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