Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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