The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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