The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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