Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
