dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
