Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
