so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
