Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
