I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
