oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
