your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
