what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
