i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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