I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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