a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
