DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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