For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
