My nipple is on Facebook.
I CAN MOONWALK!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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