i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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