I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize