Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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