I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nutella sex= disaster
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
